Social penetration theory is the process of developing deeper intimacy with another person through mutual self-disclosure and other forms of vulnerability. (Griffin, 2009, p.114). According to Littlejohn (2002,p.61), the social penetration theory states that as relationships develop, communication moves from relatively shallow, non-intimate levels to deeper, more personal ones. This theory is straightforward as it clearly implies that social penetration refers to the process of having a relationship with just anyone.
According to Griffin (2009, p.114), Altman and Taylor compare people to onions where the different layers of onions represents personality structure. Personality structure is the onion-like layers of beliefs and feelings about self, others, and the world whereas deeper layers are more vulnerable, protected and central to self-image. From my understanding, the outer layers of the onion are more to general matters about an individual that an individual may not hesitate to share, for example about his or her hobbies, ambition or favourite movies. In contrast, the inner layers of the onion may be about matters that are very personal to an individual and only can share with individuals that he or she can trust. For example, the inner layers may contain details about family secrets.
As stated by Altman and Taylor (1973, p.41), social penetration can go to up 5 stages which include, the 'orientation' stage, 'exploratory affective' stage, 'affective' stage, 'stable' stage and lastly, 'depenetration' stage. One example that I am going to use for the purpose of this analysis is the characters of Ted and Robin in the series ‘How I met your mother’.
A scene of Ted and Robin in 'How I met your mother'
At the very beginning of the season, Ted and Robin were total strangers to each other. Ted saw her at a bar and eventually, decided to talk to her, asked her number and asked her on a date. This is one of the early stage known as the 'orientation' stage. The two of them did not know each other but with appropriate, small and simple talks, they went through the orientation stage.
Then, when Robin and Ted were on a date, they started to reveal slowly about themselves for example about their jobs, where they were originally from, number of siblings, previous schools and etc. This stage is known as the 'exploratory affective' stage. Even though they are not yet fully comfortable with each other but it’s a start.
The third stage should have been the 'affective' stage. However, it’s a different case for Ted and Robin. This is because after the first date Ted decided to tell Robin that he loves her. A relationship may take a long time to go from the second stage to the third stage. So the word “love” freaked Robin out and she thought Ted was weird to fall in love with her after just one date and do not want to be a couple with Ted. They decided to remain as friends so they were still in the second stage which is the 'exploratory affective' stage.
As time goes by, Ted and Robin became close friends as they started to share with each other about private and personal problems about their boyfriend and girlfriend, conflict with family members, and even cherish one another whenever they were having break-ups. They are now in the affective stage.
After a period of time, Ted and Robin realized they had feelings for each other however they hesitate to tell each other about that. Until one night, Ted decided to tell Robin that he wanted Robin to be his girlfriend and Robin agreed. Therefore, they are now in the 'stable' stage. As a couple now they understand each other feelings even without expressing their problems. They also practically live together as Robin always spend her time at Ted’s apartment.
In the end, after one year of dating, they realized that they wanted different things for their future. Ted wanted to get married as soon as possible and have two kids. In contrast, Robin wanted to be a successful TV host and did not want to get married and have kids. They decided to break up but they remained as close friends. The last stage was suppose to be the 'depenetration' stage but however, Ted and Robin did not go through this stage as they still remain as friends and see each other almost everyday. Depenetration stage refers to the termination of a relationship when both individuals do not want to see or talk to each other at all. Therefore, it is safe to say that not all relationships have to go through the 'depenetration' stage.
References :
Altman, I., & Taylor, D., (1973). Social Penetration: The Development of Interpersonal Relationships. NewYork: Sage Publications
Griffin, E. (2009). A first look at communication theory. New York: The McGraw-Hill Companies
Littlejohn, S.W. (2002). Theories of Human Communication.(7th edition). New Mexico : Wadsworth
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